The Attack of the Half Pint Demons
by Marie Nomad
Summary: After several years of travel, Sanosuke returns to Japan only to be captured by a group of unlikely assailants. Will he survive? Will his ego handle it?


Hi! This Rurouni Kenshin fic takes place after the Revenge Arc. All characters except for Toman and Hiraku belong to Shonen Jump and creator Nobuhiro Watsuki. Those two belong to me. Hiraku is from the fic 'To Vanquish a Demon'. Tsuyoshi believe or not actually existed as a real person. I am not making any money off of this.   
  
Many thanks to the betareader: Killari  
  
The Attack of the Pint Size Demons  
  
By Maria Cline  
  
Sagara Sanosuke strolled down the road on his way to the dojo. Tokyo had changed greatly over the past nine years. There were more western style buildings than before. There were numerous Japanese flags waving in the air and more signs of western technology creeping into the area. He was planning to show up a few years before but he had taken the wrong boat and ended up in Hawaii. It was not his fault that he ended up in a tribal war and marrying an island girl for a few months.  
  
Finally, he was back in Japan and on his way to see his good friends. He was eager to see how much they changed and how many kids they had. Unfortunately, he had one small problem. "I thought the dojo was around here somewhere." He commented to himself.  
  
He went through the woods and saw the familiar building in the distance. "All right!" He grinned as he walked toward the building. While it wasn't a normal route toward the dojo, he was positive no one would mind.  
  
The dry leaves crunched under his feet as he looked around. Something didn't feel right. All his years of traveling and fighting gave him a form of instinct when trouble was brewing. He turned around when he saw something blur behind him. "Relax, Sano, nothing to worry about." He said to himself.  
  
All of a sudden, a rope came out of nowhere and lassoed around his arms. Before he could react, someone landed on his shoulders while another rope went around his ankles. He can feel his body fell to the ground and the ropes tightening around him. The person on his shoulders was keeping him down. Sanosuke blinked from his position on the ground as his arms and legs were being tied up in an effective hogtie. Who could catch him off guard and manage to tie him up so quickly? It could be ninjas or professional assassins who wanted the bounty on his head. He tried to break free but the ties only got tighter. This was the work of a professional. "He- *gmph*!" Sanosuke felt his bandana being used as an effective gag. "Hmph!" He cried out as he shook and one of his bandages were used as a blindfold.   
  
"That should shut the evil doer up." Said a high pitch soft voice.  
  
"What do we do with him now?"  
  
"Let's keep him as our pet!"  
  
Sanosuke moaned as he laid his head onto the ground. **Great, I'm tied up, gagged, and blindfolded by a group of brats.**  
  
"We can't keep him as our pet! Where can we hide him?"  
  
"And feed him. He must eat a ton."  
  
There was silence as Sanosuke's kidnappers pondered his fate.  
  
"I know! Kenji, let's get him to my daddy's island. It's huge and he can't escape it!" Another voice that sounded like a cute girl said.  
  
"And how can we get him there, Toman? We don't have a boat."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Hey! Let's get him to the police station and collect a bounty, Kenji!"   
  
Sanosuke screamed as he struggled again. He didn't mind being turned over to the police but he will be damned if word got out that he got captured not by the police or by the government but a group of kids shorter than Kenshin.   
  
"I don't think he likes that, Tsuyoshi."  
  
"Then, he must have a huge reward on his head! We can get a lot of money from him! Like fifty yen."  
  
Sanosuke snorted. **Come on, kid, I'm worth way more than fifty yen.**  
  
"Fifty yen? Come on! Daddy told me that wanted criminals are worth a lot of money! I'd say at least a hundred yen."   
  
There was a pause and Tsuyoshi said, "He's not worth it." If he weren't tied up, Sanosuke would've facefaulted.  
  
"Can I have him as my pet?" The girl who had the daddy with the private island asked. "We can keep it in Kenji's storage shed."  
  
"Why my shed?"  
  
"Because it's close and no one will notice him."  
  
"Oh. But, Mom and Dad won't like it if I'm keeping a stranger in the shed."  
  
"We can clean him up and make him look all nice and cute and they will have to let us keep him!"  
  
"Yeah, he stinks."  
  
**I haven't taken a bath in several weeks. Of course I stink.** Sanosuke thought.  
  
"Let's name him 'Stinky'!" Toman announced.  
  
"'Stinky'?" Tsuyoshi asked, "That's stupid. He's an evil doer. Let's name him 'Idiot'."  
  
"Stinky!"  
  
"Idiot!"  
  
"Stinky!"  
  
"Idiot!"  
  
"Uhhh... guys, how will we move him?" Kenji interrupted breaking up the argument.  
  
He felt a group of hands trying to lift him up.   
  
"He weights a ton!" The girl moaned.  
  
"We should have caught a smaller evil doer." Tsuyoshi growled.   
  
"It's not my fault that he's big and stinky!" Kenji whined and then they let go.  
  
Sanosuke moaned. It was bad enough that he was being held captive by a group of kids who are thinking about adopting him as a pet but that these kids aren't strong enough to carry him.  
  
"Wait a second! I got an idea to make him smell pretty." Toman said as Sanosuke heard a bottle open. "Daddy and Grandpa said that this is the bestest smelling perfume. It makes everything smell all nice."  
  
Sanosuke jerked in bonds as perfume was poured all over his hair and clothes. The stench of white plum filled the air and he choked. **Great, now I smell like a woman.**  
  
"Phew! Did you have to use the entire bottle?" Kenji said, "He smells worse."  
  
"No he doesn't! He smell nice and pretty! You boys just don't understand the meaning of perfumes."   
  
"Let's just get him moving so we can wash him." Tsuyoshi said, "Any ideas?"  
  
"We can untie his legs and make him walk with us." Toman suggested. "I have my daddy's spare chains." Sanosuke heard some clinking sounds.   
  
**How did this kid get chains? Maybe the same place where she have that 'island' of hers.** Sanosuke thought as he tensed his muscles.   
  
"Hold him still!" The pair of tiny hands combined with the ropes held Sanosuke down as the chains were clasped on his ankles.   
  
"Okay! He's ready for transport." Tsuyoshi said in an official voice. "Get him standing."  
  
Sanosuke stood up and felt the chains on his ankles inhibiting his movements. **Okay, I'm tied up, shackled, and surrounded by sadistic munchkins. No problem.**   
  
"Wow, he's tall."  
  
"Yeah. How do we make sure he doesn't escape?"  
  
"I'll ride him! Giddap, Stinky Idiot!" Kenji ordered as he grabbed the gag.  
  
Sanosuke felt something climb up his body and straddled his shoulders. A pair of tiny hands gripped his gag. **Great now I'm a horse.** He felt a tug pulling him forward, making him believe that it was a long rope that was leading downwards.   
  
"Come on." The girl said as another tug was pulled.  
  
Sanosuke dug in his heels and shook his head.   
  
"Aw man! Move it!" Kenji screamed as he pounded on Sanosuke's head.   
  
"Come on!" Sanosuke felt the tugging getting stronger. The other kids must be joining in to help out.  
  
"Pull with me!" Tsuyoshi said.   
  
"Heave ho!"  
  
"Harder!"  
  
"Heave ho!"  
  
Sanosuke fought with all of his strength. There was no way that he would let himself be pushed around by a group of brats. He had to escape somehow or wait for help to arrive.  
  
"Hey! What are you guys doing?! Don't tell me that you are still playing 'bounty hunter'." An older sounding voice said.   
  
**Great, an adult.** Sanosuke thought in relief. Finally, someone had come to rescue him. **As long as it's not Yahiko or Kenshin or anyone that would recognize me, I'm fine.**  
  
"We caught our first criminal! Can we keep him?!" Toman asked.  
  
"Yeah! He's fun even if he stinks!" Kenji exclaimed as he patted Sanosuke's head.  
  
"Should we take him and collect our bounty? I don't think Dad wants me to have weird looking idiots." Tsuyoshi asked.  
  
"No! I can't believe you actually caught one... on the other hand considering on who your parents are, I shouldn't be that surprised." The adult sighed. He sniffed and asked, "Toman? Did you dowse this guy with your perfume?"  
  
"Uh huh. Doesn't he smell pretty?"  
  
"... I have to talk with your parents later."  
  
"Mumph ump!" Sanosuke screamed as he pulled at his bonds. **Hello! Stinky man held hostage here!**  
  
"Okay, okay, calm down." There was a pause and then he said, "It can't be. Hold still."   
  
The gag and blindfold was removed and Sanosuke took a deep breath. "Hey, thanks, pal." The man said as he looked down to see a familiar looking teenager. "Yahiko?"  
  
Yahiko covered his hand with both hands as he fought the urge to laugh. He just nodded.   
  
"It's not funny." Sanosuke glared at him. Yahiko lost control and fell to the ground. He rolled around holding his stomach.   
  
"The Great Sanosuke, captured by a group of kids! BWAHAHAHA!!!" Laughter rang through the woods as Sanosuke's face became red from embarrassment.  
  
"Come on! Cut that out! It's not funny! Will you at least untie me?!" Sanosuke whined causing Yahiko to laugh even louder.  
  
A little girl in a western pink dress came up and asked innocently, "Does this mean that we can't keep him?"  
  
*****  
  
"I cannot believe I was taken prisoner by a bunch of eight-year-olds." Sanosuke moaned as he downed another cup of sake. He was sitting in the kitchen with Kenshin, Kaoru, and Yahiko sitting around him with the kids outside.  
  
"They didn't mean any harm." Kenshin chuckled as he smiled slightly.  
  
"Not mean any harm?! I've been captured, hogtied, gagged, blindfolded, dowsed with perfume, and shackled. They're not children, they're pint size demons!" Sanosuke exclaimed and then a shoe hit his forehead. "OW!"  
  
"DON'T CALL MY KENJI-CHAN A DEMON!" Kaoru threatened as she came up with her other shoe in her hand.  
  
"Oi..." Sanosuke held his head. "I was hoping to meet your kids but not like this." He paused and then remembered the conversation. "Wait a second, that blond girl... she said that her father had a private island and she had a bottle of that white plum perfume. Don't tell me that she is... please her father can't be..."  
  
"Yes, that's my daughter." Enishi came in.  
  
Sanosuke fell over. Not only was the insane man who tried to kill Kenshin was in the same room as he but that he had actually reproduced. The former psychopath had barely changed except for some strange patches of brown hair in his white hair. "Enishi?! You got married and have a kid?"  
  
"Yes, I got married to a lovely woman. I believe that you met her before, she named her demon hunting partner after you."   
  
Sanosuke paused as he tried to think back. "Demon hunting partner?" His eyes widened, "HIRAKU?!"   
  
"I see you still remembered Hiraku." Enishi said, "She told me quite a bit about you before you met Kenshin."  
  
"Well, it's hard to forget a demon hunting priestess who wanted to vanquish Kenshin. I can guess she wasn't that successful." Sanosuke remembered that adorable girl. **Insane priestess + psycho mafia gangster = one demented but adorable little girl.**  
  
"After she found out Kenshin is just a man, she left him alone. She even performed the ceremony." Yahiko remembered.  
  
"And met me." Enishi added on, "I must have you and Hiraku meet again. She has changed considerably."  
  
"That would be good. Okay, Kenji is obviously your kid, Kenshin and the girl is yours, Enishi, but what about Tsuyoshi? He can't be Yahiko's." Sanosuke asked.  
  
Kenshin looked away and said, "Well... you do know that Saitou's married right?"  
  
If Sanosuke wasn't shocked by the concept of two of the most insane people he knows getting married and having a kid, he was stunned by the shock of Saitou being married. "TSUYOSHI'S FATHER IS SAITOU?!"   
  
"Yes, I'm afraid so but don't worry, Saitou won't say anything." Kenshin waved his hands, "He told us that if you were harmless enough to be captured by our children then you don't pose a threat to the government."  
  
Sanosuke moaned as he banged his head on the table. "He knows too?! Why did they capture me in the first place? You know that I won't hurt a group of adorable but deadly kids."  
  
"They will explain it to you." Megumi said as she came in leading Tsuyoshi, Toman, and Kenji.   
  
"F-fox?!"   
  
"It's nice to see you too, Rooster-head." Megumi chuckled as a pair of fox ears appeared on her head, "I was hoping you would return but I never thought that these three would have to capture you to do that. You over did it with the perfume."  
  
Sanosuke's jaw dropped as he took a better look of his 'tormentors'. They were small and adorable, nothing about them would hint about their bizarre abilities or their more bizarre parents. "Sanosuke-san, I'm sorry we captured you." Kenji said as he bowed toward him. "We didn't know that you were friends with our families."  
  
**I wouldn't say that I was 'friends' with Saitou and Enishi.** Sanosuke sighed, **Oh well, I'm a softie.** "Hey, that's okay, kid. You were just protecting yourselves. The only thing hurting right now is my ego. But, why do you do this? Your parents can handle themselves." The man came up and ruffled the boy's red hair.   
  
"Because bad men come to our house and we have to be prepared." Kenji said as he looked down. "We thought that if we know how to trap bad guys, our families will be safe. We saw you walking around and you have 'evil' written on you so we thought that you might be evil."  
  
"Yeah. What kind of idiot advertises that he is evil on his shirt?" Tsuyoshi asked sounding very much like his father.   
  
"Besides, it's fun!" Toman exclaimed, "I play with my Daddy's prisoners all the time and when I'm done, they beg to go to jail!"  
  
Sanosuke stared at the so called innocent girl. "Toman-chan!" Enishi whispered, "Daddy told you not to discuss business with strangers."   
  
**Mental note, don't make Enishi mad.** Sanosuke commented.  
  
"Sorry." The girl pouted.  
  
Enishi sniffed at Sanosuke. "Toman-chan, did you use that perfume on this man?"  
  
"Uh huh. Doesn't he smell pretty?"  
  
Enishi sweatdropped. "Mommy and Daddy have to talk to you about perfume when we get home."  
  
Kenji looked at Toman and asked, "Uncle Enishi, the next time we catch a criminal can we take him to your island?"  
  
Sanosuke choked as he facefaulted. "Uncle Enishi?"  
  
"No. It's a private island. Just take the criminal to us or to the police. I don't want any of you to keep any prisoners without our knowledge. You have no idea what kind of psychopathic weirdoes are out there." Enishi said as he glanced at Sanosuke.   
  
**Look who's talking.** Sanosuke rolled his eyes and then a thought occurred to him. "Wait a second!" He screamed, "Don't tell me that you guys are still going to 'catch bad guys'!"  
  
"You're our first capture victim and we can learn from our mistakes." Tosu said as he unrolled a scroll. "We have to figure out a way to transport the prisoners without having to rely on strength."  
  
"What if we put four wheels on a board and put the prisoner on it?" Toman asked as she looked over his shoulder.  
  
"Yeah and make it so he can lie down on it." Kenji supported. The three kids looked up at the adults.  
  
"We gotta go and get started." Kenji said as the three ran off.   
  
Enishi got up and went after them. "I'll go and make sure they don't attack anyone else for a while."  
  
Sanosuke watched Enishi walked off and then he looked at Kenshin. "Uncle Enishi? Your kid calls him 'Uncle Enishi'?"  
  
"He is my brother-in-law." Kenshin said as he sipped his tea. "He's family."  
  
Sanosuke remembered the times when he first met Kenshin and how he had wanted to cleave him in half for being the Battousai. Then, he remembered how he met past allies and they wanted to hurt him in one way or another at first. "Only you would think like that. Seriously, those kids will be intimidating when they grow up. Hell, they're threatening right now."  
  
"Yes but in a good way." Kaoru said as she glared at him. "You go into the bath house and clean up. You stink, especially with that strong perfume."  
  
"And maybe find out what you have been doing all these years." Megumi winked as she chuckled.  
  
"And protect you from the kids." Yahiko said as he smirked.  
  
Sanosuke got up and walked toward the bath house. While the Kenshin and his friends and former enemies had changed and grow with Japan, he was positive about one thing; things have not gotten boring at the dojo. "It's so good to be home."  
  
The End? 


End file.
